Loser
by Me1
Summary: NOT a songfic. Please R&R. Any review here would give it away.


Okay, can we guess who my favorite author is? Terry Moore! And here is yet another fic done to a poem of his. The poem is called, "A Distant Scream". Words in _italics_ are the poem. […} = thoughts.

Loser

Heero sat staring at his Gundam. More and more he would think of just blowing it up, packing his things and Duo's and running away with him. He could find a job and support them, and they would be free. Usually, before he could ever tell Duo about these feelings, he'd lapse into self doubt and put aside the idea. This time, for some reason, the doubt wasn't kicking in yet. Heero got up and started for the safe house. 

# Somedays I think

# I'm going to give it all away

_Find a job that pays_

_Some letters behind my name._

When he got inside, he looked around for his noisy koibito. The house was quiet, which meant that Duo was taking a nap. Heero went into the bedroom, and sure enough, Duo was sprawled on their shared bed, sleeping. Not wanting to disturb him, Heero went to the bathroom to clean up. 

Heero splashed water on his face. The idea of leaving wasn't leaving. He looked in the mirror and stared. [Loser.] he thought. Besides the constant thoughts of giving up the war, whenever he looked in a mirror, he couldn't help seeing what a loser he was. Suddenly, Duo was behind him, his beautiful face smiling at him. 

"You're beautiful, Hee-koi" Duo said, hugging him.

# Somedays I'll be

_Standing at a mirror looking in_

_Your face starts fading in_

_The feeling comes again._

_ _

Heero had told Duo once about how he felt looking in the mirror. Okay, so maybe Duo had forced it out of him after he had broken a mirror after staring at it for almost two hours. He knew Duo was worried, but he couldn't help it. Being with Duo made him happy, but he felt so out of place sometimes. 

"Heero, you're not a loser. When the war is over, we'll make a new life for ourselves. You'll see." Duo said. He felt Duo wrap his arms around him from behind, and was comforted.

[But I am a loser. I'm so scared that one day you'll wake up and realize that, and then you'll be gone. No matter what, you're the one that holds me together.]

# I guess I'll always be

_The losing side of you._

_Your mismatched other shoe_

_Your after midnight blues._

_ _

"Duo…" [What do I say? "Duo, I'm a loser. You should go find someone that deserves you"?] Heero never could never quite figure out why Duo loved him, he was just happy that he did. It had taken them so long to find each other, and he was afraid of losing him. Before they had gotten together, Heero had called himself a loser for loving the long haired boy. Now he called himself a loser for holding Duo down.

"Yes, Heero?"

"Ai shiteru."

# Love is a mystery to me

_A loser's dream._

_ _

"Ai shiteru, Heero. Are you okay?" Duo asked, worried. 

"Duo, let's get out of here. Just pack up and go."

"Why? Did the enemy find us?"

"No, I mean, let's walk out on the war. I'm tired of being 'The Perfect Soldier'. I want to be with you, and be the person that I really am. Every day, I'm losing a little bit of myself. Sometimes I'm afraid that the person I see in the mirror is really me."

"Heero, what about the others? Won't they be sent to find us?"

Heero went into the bedroom and looked at the picture there. It was of all five pilots on a beach on Earth. They had been on vacation. "They won't find us. Besides, the only one of us they'll miss is you. They'll be glad to be rid of me. All I ever did is threaten their lives and make them afraid of me. You don't have to go if you don't want to."

# These days

_Are spent in hot desire to be the way I was_

_To ride the magic bus_

_To try and stay in touch._

_Afraid_

_My face is just a memory to those I knew._

_An influential clue_

_To what they have to lose._

_ _

"I'll go with you. We'll have to blow up the Gundams, and disappear forever. Is that really what you want?" Duo asked, coming into the room and sitting on the bed.

"As long as you're with me, I can take anything. Anything but more of this."

"Okay, but on one condition. You start seeing yourself as someone other than a loser."

"Duo…" [I don't know if I can.] "Okay. If that's what it takes for you to come with me, then I'll try."

"Good. Then let's get packed! New lives, here we come!"

A jet screamed across the sky, leaving behind the burning remains of a little house. A few moments later, Two explosions destroyed the silence. Heero looked out the window of the jet, and thought, [No matter how hard I try, or how much you love me, I'll always be the losing side of this relationship. But that doesn't matter now, because we're out of the war. I can be myself and maybe that me isn't a loser. Maybe that's what Duo saw in me all along.]

# I guess I'll always be 

_The losing side of you._

_Your mismatched other shoe_

_Your after midnight blues._

_Love is a mystery._

_To me a distant scream._


End file.
